Not feeling so good about being on camera?

Tune into this episode to learn more about how you can feel more comfortable and safe being on camera with special guest Jennifer Urezzio.

Jennifer Urezzio is the Founder of Soul Language and an Expert on Combining Soul + Strategy for Success!

About the show…

Real Estate, Marketing & Coffee is a live video talk show airing every Monday at 8 am Pacific on LinkedIn and Facebook with hosts:

Amanda Condyles
Client Care Services for agents

Ed Troxell
Video Coach for Real Estate Agents & Solopreneurs
→ https://edtroxell.com/explore

How to feel safe and comfortable on video Transcription

Feeling a little uncomfortable being on camera or a little unsafe. It’s not, you’re not alone. That’s a common thing. And that’s what we’re going to talk about on today’s episode of real estate marketing and coffee. Welcome to the show. My name is ed Troxell. I’m a video coach helping real estate agents and entrepreneurs use their phone to create video content that gets them noticed and creates more bookings.

And I’m joined by my lovely cohost, Amanda. Yeah. Hey guys. I’m Amanda can Delius I’m uh, the director of client care at closure pros and, um, I help real estate agents get that repeat and referral business by leveraging their sphere of influence and their past client lists. So, yes. And so we go live every Monday at [8:00] AM, right here, Pacific.

I should say [8:00] AM Pacific right here on Facebook, LinkedIn. And we repurpose this over to our podcast and of course, other places online, because why. Harder than you have to, when you can just create a little video and be able to repurpose that in different formats, which we can always talk about if you need help.

So today we’re excited because we’re going to be bringing on in just a moment, our special guests who is going to help us talk about. The uncomfortable conversation that a lot of us can face when we’re talking about being on camera, being on video and just being able to get more comfortable with who we are and what we do, uh, so that we can show up and shine here online.

So let’s go ahead and bring on our special guests this morning, Jennifer, welcome to the show. Hi, I’m so excited to be here. Yes, we are so happy to have you go ahead and introduce yourself to all of our listeners. Hi everyone. I’m Jennifer. I created a paradigm called soul language, which is the Meyer-Briggs of soul, and I help people put consciousness into everything they do.

Why do you want to do that? Well, if you’re putting, paying in programming, you’re going to create struggle. If you put consciousness, it’s going to expand and you’re going to get goodness back. So I’m excited to be here. Thank you so much. Yes, you’re going to get goodness back. I was just thinking there’s already a nugget and then she’s just telling us what she does.

That’s so great. The youngest. Yes, that is awesome. So let’s, let’s start jumping into this conversation, uh, about being unsafe, feeling unsafe on camera. You know, what have you experienced even with working with your clients around this topic? Yeah. So I think people normally feel unsafe on camera for a couple of reasons.

One second, as I’m coughing does care. I think it’s because of trauma, right? When people experience trauma, whether it’s a little tiny trauma or a big trauma, they instinct is to vary is to go very small, very fade into the background. Right? And so when people have to put themselves out there, all of that trauma that’s unhealed comes up and they start to constrict and they feel unsafe being seen and being heard.

And so. That is one of the main reasons why people feel really unsafe on camera. Another reason is that they would probably have a feeling of being a fraud or being called out or feeling rejected. All of those reasons are going to bring up those feelings of lack that come across on the camera. That is so true.

And that’s something that I run into a lot, excuse me, with my clients as well is the feeling of. Getting called out for not knowing or not seen properly, you know, something that even though they’re an experts in that field and they know what they’re talking about, just the thought of putting themselves out there and having someone say, well, you didn’t say that correctly, or it’s not a hundred percent that way.

And that can be very, very traumatizing and damaging for any future. On-camera appearances as well. Yeah. Yeah. The problem is, is that we’ve all said things that are not accurate or where we flubbed or, you know, where we got tongue-tied and they usually happen in childhood and kind of experience is so anxiety-ridden that it adds to any flub.

Right? I think, you know, I’ve where energy and the, one of the hardest things that I’ve had to learn is how to like laugh at, at myself. Right. And really, I think that’s key when it comes to kind of building that relationship is really to kind of. Okay. Go. Okay. Like I totally screwed up there. Like what, you know, I often, you know, my first career was marketing and PR, right.

So I have that lens of making people kind of understand and be good on camera. And I, I think I told you this story, uh, I remember. And this woman that we did, we booked her interviews and she was, it was in a local town and she was out by herself and we get the tape back and her hair looked like a cockatoo.

I’m not, I’m not, I cannot. And we were just like, I’m like, I can’t listen to anything she’s saying, because I can just focus on the hair. Right. And I think about that, you know, I also think about how. I hate it, but I, although I have it on today, I hate to put on lipstick. I hate doing the whole camera-ready stuff.

Right. So I’ve kind of made it part of my brand. Like I call it hobo chic. I’m like, look, guys, I’m doing hobo. She chic. Right. This is the thing. If you’re trying to be perfect. Yeah, no, one’s going to want to engage with you. No, one’s going to have a one, a relationship that’s too much pressure. People are going to go or sense that even on a deep level, like, oh, there’s something not right there, but if you just being yourself and being willing to be profoundly loved, people want to engage with you.

People want to create that kind of back and forth with you, and they’re going to love it. They’re going to love more of you. And let’s be honest, those people that are going to, you said it wrong and blah, blah, blah, uh, they’re insecure problems of their own. And with all due respect, you can tell them to step upright.

To English love, but still. So I think that it’s first activating that safety in your body. Yeah. My body fills me with safety. And it’s also healing all of those traumas and then creating the brand that really works with you. You know, again, I finally had to throw out the sweater for my hobo chic during the pandemic.

Cause my brother, please, please throw it away. There are holes everywhere I go. Yeah. But I love it. Right. I’m people know that. So, you know, determine your brand. Heal the trauma and then activate safety and have fun with it. This is not life and death. Yes. Thank you. I love that. I love the hobo chic thing. I love that you’re playing into it because I think so often, like, people are so afraid to show those things, but it’s what makes them, right?

Like, you know, and show it off. Like rocket be authentic. You. You’re exactly right. People will make that a part of your brand. It will become probably more often than not the best part of you. Right? Like, they’ll start to look for that, like, oh, she’s doing hobo chic today. Like it’ll become a common language between you guys.

Exactly, exactly. And you know what, like. Really tune in and really speak from your heart. Because when you’re speaking from your heart, it doesn’t matter what you’re talking about. But when you’re thinking from your heart, people engage with that. People in, you know, that people, you know, you could be saying, oh, what, you know, sliced bread and people.

Wow. She really gets me, right. This is a point about really allowing your heart to be shown on camera for those of us that wear our hearts on our sleeve, the camera’s a good place for it. Right. And I also think that one of the things that makes people feel unsafe is when they watch the videos back.

Right. And they’re like, look it. Y like I’m so bad. Right? Here’s the thing that I used to tell all of my PR people, the camera lowers your energy, right. Just coming across it. So you have to be. I always liked is Richard Simmons. Right? Cause I used to work with them. So Simmons once a day, I feel like I’m not doing my job, but you’ve checked it off on Monday morning.

They’re doing great. Doing great renting out to like up it. You have to be like the Richard that Richard went overboard, but you have to up your energy. And I think people don’t really understand that. And so when they see the footage back, they’re like, I’m so good. Right up your energy, be the best possible way.

Psych yourself up. Listen to music. This is supposed to be fun. Make it fun for yourself. Well, I heard it said once, and this has always really resonated with me about nerves. Um, is I heard, it said like when you’re scared, like let’s say someone broke into my house and I’m trying to scare them off. Like internally.

I might be trying to say like, no, stop it. Get out. Or what. But because of nerves, I’m probably no step, like, you know, I’m nervous. And so they, they tell you to go three times crazier than you think. And when I think about that in the moment, if I’m like, okay, what was three times crazier than like, no, stop it be like, I don’t know, but it’s probably going to come across very well.

Crazy as I intended to, or a lot more than I intended to. And so that’s a great point about energy and video and camera because listen, we’re all going to rewatch it. So I think to say not to rewatch, it is not the answer, right. Because it’s good. It’s great feedback. You get to live time, see, Hey, what does my audience feel in this?

But also recognize that like, Hey, if you come at it three times like people are going to feel that it’s going to come across the screen and the people that don’t feel that will just keep screwing. I don’t even say morning, if I’m too much energy for someone and they pop on our show and they’re like, whoa, Amanda and ed are yelling at me.

They’re going to keep scrolling. They’re not going to engage. So really you’re attracting more people at a higher level and getting rid of the ones who are probably going to be hypercritical. Right. Do you want to talk to your fan base? You don’t want to talk to the critics and that’s an internal thing as well.

You want to talk or look through the lens of your fan. The internal face is your internal critic. And you know, I think so often people want to have, you know, the exact thing to say, you know, there are great tools. There are great apps there are a lot of teleprompter apps. Now that really works. I always bomb when I have to use a teleprompter.

Scripted, you know, I’m so better when I’m like off-script. But the thing that also people have to understand is that when they tune in, they know their content. And so often after I do an interview, somebody go, oh my God, I heard you say this. And I want. Oh, I did because I am really just talking from being tuned in and I’m not trying to have the conversation within my head.

And I think so often that’s the way people engage across the board. And so really understand what you want your time on the camera to be and understand what the point is. Right. If your energy is like, oh my God, please like me. Well, uh, you know, that’s going to come across on the camera and everyone’s going to tune it off and really notice also what your body’s doing, right.

Not, it gives you a lot of tells us what. Absolutely. Well, and I love what you’re talking about the insecurity piece because I think that happens so often. And then people it’s like a self-fulfilling prophecy. They’re like, nobody wants to listen to me online. They show up and are insecure. It comes across where it’s like, please follow me, please.

I even think the same thing in sales, like when you really need a sale, it shows up in all of your communication. So don’t ever feel like you need it, just show up and be a resource and the rest kind of naturally falls in place, but it, that it becomes that self-fulfilling prophecy, because then people think that the very thing they’re trying to avoid them thinking.

Oh, yeah. I mean, that’s the why, like when I used to even work at apple, I would always tell people don’t worry about the sale today. Worry about growing and establishing or starting, establishing, and growing the relationship because that’s, what’s going to continue to bring in the sales later. Like, don’t worry about it now.

Worry about growing that relationship because then you’re going to have that repeat business. And it’s the same even to this day. Like if. Stop focusing so much on getting the sale and start focusing on showing up, delivering your expertise and being unique as you are. And being able to find that one thing that works like we were talking about, we’ve talked about this before, you know, like what feels comfortable for you if it’s the hobo chic, that’s a whole line right there.

Like that’s full line. And so many women would be like, yes, that is cool. And they’re going to. Tell me more, Jennifer, how do I find out about hobo chic? Where’s this at? Like, what’s this, like, what was you’re going to self identify? Like, I love it. When people on zoom talk about, uh, wearing just a nice top. I’m like, that is me.

I will always have a nice cap on and I’m wearing like Nike shorts or leggings under like, and, and I love it because I identify with it. I’m like, this is real life. You look great on camera and no one knows, but. You’re just rocking pajama pants below there and it’s, it’s relatable. It’s real. It’s authentic.

Yeah. I, you know, my people are spiritually running gates. They’re not going to do it like anyone else does it. And so we’re always kind of breaking the rules and breaking the norms. The thing here is that you have to really understand what on my PR hat, and what are your key message points, right. And bring those into the conversation.

And I think so often what happens with people is that they know that they’re an ex. And when they’re engaging with their clients, they’re right there. But when they have to talk about themselves, their tongue just goes numb. Right. And so really understand what your key message points like. Mine’s about connection.

I’m always going to be bringing people back about connection. So you can, I guys asked me what I had for breakfast. I’ll be like, well, you know, when I have for breakfast is for first, I did my meditation, which helps me connect. And then I like, I can do the bridge back because, you know, I was taught from it since, you know, I’ve been speaking since I’ve been 21.

What I love to do with clients is to interview them, um, and watch them go to dinner and a headlight. And then during the interview, we help them connect and really do the interview from that connection place. And they’re like, oh my God. That was so easy. I’m like, yeah, because you’re not in your head. So again, when you feel unsafe, you need to come back into your heart.

Your head is never going to help you there. It’s your heart and your soul. It is. Oh, that’s so good. That is so good. And it’s so important to, you know, you bring up the meditation part and I just want to touch on that for a second because that’s something that I think I’m in week three or four of doing meditation, which is.

Really new for me and being able to try to focus on that. And this week we’re talking about, oh, in my meditation thing, we’re talking about awareness and it’s so key because I was actually just talking about this on a live last week. And so it helped me not only in personal life, but business life and being able to understand, you know, taking those moments and being able to send her back on my breathing.

And it’s just been. Fascinating to learn how to use it in my everyday life and be able to apply it to business things. Yeah, the way you do one thing, it’s the way you do everything, right? I’m not, I have to say, I’m not a big meditator. I am warrior energy. So warrior energy needs to move. Right. So I will tune in.

I’ll ask a question and then I’ll go walk the dog and I’ll be like, oh, There’s the answer. There’s the solution. I think so often people are focusing on the problem when they’ve got to be in the consciousness of the solution. The solution is right there. And when they tune in and when they pause, when they, you know, let go of the pain point, what happens is that pop in your head of going, oh my God, it was right there all along, you know, it’s, it’s really.

You know, where are you coming from? Uh, are you coming from like, you’re comparing yourself to all the videos out there and how’s that serving you by the way? And what do you want the right. What do you want the videos to do really seriously? And are you. Engaged with that kind of in a relationship with that mind, body and spirit, because if you’re holding yourself back in your, if you’re in resistance, it’s going to come across and you’re just going to get yourself even more frustrated and even more resistance.

That’s a really great point that I’d never thought about. Cause this really applies to every area of communication, right? If you’re sending email marketing or whatever like I’m even thinking of real estate agents and the. Not being afraid to hold any part of them back because when they have that hesitation, God, that’s really, really good.

Yeah. Thank you. My wheels are spinning now. I’m like, this is good. Okay. When I first started, I had a, I had a bunch of real estate agencies, well, like 10 years ago, because one person worked with me and then she recommended and you know, what happens with, with real estate agents is, you know, traditionally they have a bad rap, right?

So traditionally there is a belief system that surrounds their profession that they have. Overcome to begin with. And I think that alone can put the damper on the interview because they’re like, how do I not come across? Like everyone else? How do I not seem salesy? How do I like, uh, your new job of selling?

Like, let’s just put our cards on the table, right? You and your house out. I’m the job of selling, you know, I can do this. In alignment and an integrity. And I think that’s like the stands that people can, can, you know, adapt. And there are people who want the salesy technique. They want the shark, like if that’s who you are adapted, love it, accept it.

Right. Totally. It makes me think of Shark Tank. Like for those who watch shark tank-like Kevin, Mr. Wonderful is exactly that he is bitey. He is a shark. He has, you know, Yeah, I love to hate up. Yes, exactly. And then you’ve got like the Barbara Corcoran’s and the Roberts and the Barbra’s who have a little bit more heart behind them, but they’re doing it, like you said, with that, um, alignment and integrity to them.

And I think that’s what makes it not feel salesy ever. Like, it never feels salesy to me with Kevin. I’m like, yeah. Like I said, he is a shark to the T and it doesn’t feel salesy because it’s a thousand percent who he is and he’s staying true to that. And you’re right. I think people like real estate and MLM and all of that, they spend the entire time creating content or videos or whatever.

Anytime they’re in front of people, trying not to be something rather than trying to be something. Right. And, you know, especially the ML, M L M’s there, unfortunately, that’s a hole you really want to expand and growth, join an ML app because all of your crap will hit the fan because it’s such a codependent weird relation.

Yeah. Kind of icky and it’s taught. So, you know, if you’re in that and you want to be different and you want to make a difference, right. Really decide why you’re in it and who your people are and why are they going to be in it and, you know, allow that to come shining through. And I think that takes a little prep time.

That takes a little inner reflection and, um, What I love and honesty. Right? What I love about, you know, the spontaneity of using your phone is like, I can use my phone to capture. Right. But you have to be inspired. And so really connect to that inspiration. Um, I did one last week, which was like, I’m breaking up with.

I’m just breaking up with it for the weekend. Everyone I’m tired of them business. I’m just going to break up. We’re on a break and then we’ll come back on Monday. And just so I can regroup, because so often we’re consumed by our business, especially entrepreneurs 24 7. I’m like, oh, I’m just going to break up.

And like Monday, I like, I had a new client, cause I just broke up with my business. Like I wasn’t going. Focus on it or put any achiness into it and, you know, that was totally spontaneous. And, uh, it was a great thing. And people were like, oh my God, you’re glowing. And I was like, really? Cause I’m still like, right.

Well, it’s the, it’s that awareness factor. And also being able to take the time off to take the break, to get that. That remove yourself from whatever problems may or may not be going on in the business to allow yourself to welcome in those solutions and to be able to clearly, I mean, that’s what I love about being able to give ourselves that permission to take the break and, and your weekend may look different than other people’s weekends, right?

Like yours might be an actual Friday, Saturday, Sunday. Others might be a Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday. Like that’s the thing I want everyone to realize is that. Our, our journeys are, uh, gonna look a little different and our days off are gonna look different. They don’t always have to be what a conditional weekend is or a traditional workweek is.

And it’s okay. When we do have. Yeah. And you’re, you’re tweaking something in my head. I think often, you know, people don’t realize that their video is there to help them. Pre-select their client right now. Right? Like, Hey, I’m a spiritual Renegade. You’re going to spiritual Renegade. You’re great. You know, I teach this, uh, hack for my clients about how to choose their clients.

Yes. Them choosing. And I use the peanuts characters, right? I’m like my peanuts characters are Sally’s and Linus is love them. I don’t work with the Charlie brown cause it’s it’s victim energy and I would eat them for breakfast. Right. You know, I don’t work with Woodstock’s cause they’re crazy. And I used to work with Lucy.

What happens with the Lucy? They pull the football. I knew that they were going to pull the football and I would still work with them. And then I’m like, I’m not going to work with, what am I doing? Like, that’s crazy. And I just tell people like tuning as a client comes across and go, okay, is this someone I want to work with?

And especially for real estate agents, do you, self-identify that kind of class then? You know how. Kind of treat them, you know, where the pitfalls are and you can bypass it. But yeah, your video is also about you having people self-identify so you don’t have to deal with the Woodstocks or the Lucy’s and that’s good.

Yeah. I love that you bring that up because when we look at the statistics out there over 95% and because of the pandemic, I just rounded up to 99%. Because you can, because

99% of us are researching online for. Before we ever contact them. So of course it makes sense to have video content out there showing who you are and the energy that we talked about earlier, and the passion that comes through and the converse, how you carry yourself in conversation and how things happen.

That’s how your clients are going to be able to identify whether or not they want to reach out to you and whether or not you want to consider working with you. You know, if I watching this show and even listening to it, but just watching this, you could see how all three of us are interacting and then you can see how we’re allowing each other to speak versus trying to like, just, oh no, that’s not that’s you can’t do that.

Or, oh, you know, fix this or do that. Like, if we did. And that was normal for us. Fine, but that would show our potential client. How it would be to work with us. Well, if you guys did that, I would have graciously left around that. She’d be like, me and my Internet’s not working any further, you know, like hate it when that happens.

Right. But here’s the thing, you know, it’s also like I’m a steel marshmallow, right? I’m, I’m hard on the outside, fluffy on the inside. Right. And my people know that I’m a steel marshmallow and they know that I’m direct. They know that I’m compassionate and loving. I see through everything, right. And that comes across on my videos.

So someone who’s not ready for that or not up for that is going to pass me by you are right. And so I also have to know that I’m safe to express who I am, which takes deep acceptance for myself. Yeah. Like it took me years to accept my steel, marshmallow us. Like I don’t try to be anything else. And I think if people are afraid of the camera, right?

What are you really afraid about, about showing people who you are? Okay. Makes so much sense. I read this quote somewhere Pinterest or something last night and it made me think of what you’re saying. It said something like, if something is for you. Um, all you have to do is be you to get it. And then it made me think if I’m trying to be someone else than everything that is for me will never find me.

And so I think that’s just total thought, right? With what you’re saying, that’s kind of what the world is speaking to me. And I just think it’s really cool. Like it’s a really good point that we get to be ourselves and we attract, you know, law of attraction brings the right people because we’re going to want to work with the people.

You know, you like the Sally’s oh, there goes my voice. The Sally’s and Linus, is that okay? Sally’s and is, you know, until you attracted those people naturally because they’re probably more open to your seal, marshmallow, they want it, they that’s, that’s their preferred style. Like I would do the same thing.

If I’m looking for a coach, I’m going to find someone who’s direct because I don’t, I’m not interested in the fluff. I don’t want that. I want let’s let’s do the damn thing. Yeah, but then I’m going to watch your video and be like, oh, she is, let’s get down to business. Okay. Um, where do I sign up? And then the work is done, right?

Like you don’t even have to sell anymore because I’ve done it. I’ve essentially done the work. Well, you’ve done the work, but I’ve, I’ve done the hard part where I’m like, oh, you don’t even need to sell me. Don’t give me your Sheffield. Just take all my money and I’ll sign here. And that’s what happens.

And that’s the power of being able to step in front of the camera and record your video. Share them obviously online because that it helps you both personally, on the inside as well as externally on the outside with your business and being able to get those eyeballs on your content and understanding who you are, what you do and why they might want to work with you.

And then being able to again, have that conversation and realize that people aren’t ready, always going to be ready to buy the minute that they see your. That may happen, but it takes time and there’s going to be people that have followed you for years, and then they’re going to reach out and say, I’m ready.

So we have to remember that. It’s it’s them when they’re ready. Not us, when we’re ready, we just have, and that’s about knowing that you’re loved and supported and provided for no matter what. And I think that’s where people kind of fall down and they go, oh, like my. My goodness is not relying on anybody else.

They’re just resources. Right? My source is source and, and yes, I tell that to myself every day, right? Like that’s okay to keep reminding yourself so true. So true. I know we’re getting close here, so I just want to make sure we cover everything that you wanted to cover today, Jennifer. And anything else that you want to share with our audience with.

Well, we have, you know, I mean, I, I love talking with you guys. Thank you so much. People can find me at my website. It’s so language.us. There’s a lot of groovy stuff on there, including lots of free stuff. So, uh, if you’re feeling the need. I love it. And if you need her hobo chic line, it will be airing next year, 2023.

You heard it here. First. You heard it here first from your mouth God’s ears should have like a whole lipstick line. Like I’m seeing a whole. What did you so well? Which by the way, you gotta love Tik TOK. Okay. So on tick-tock, uh, there’s a comedian that I follow and she had went to somewhere in New York.

There’s a place where you can go to create your own, uh, lipstick. Yes. And I was that I was thinking. That is so cool to have a store that allows you to do something custom like that. And that’s where you can create your hobo chic. Uh, there’s a bee in my apartment and the dog is my dog. Yeah, my dog will go and eat the bees.

And then I’m like, then you’re going to get an allergic reaction. And then we got to go take care of that. So please just leave the BLS. Don’t eat the bees. That’s my helpfulness. He talking to you guys. Thank you so much. Enjoy the rest of your day, Jennifer. And we will talk to you soon. All right, guys.

Thank you so much for tuning in. We appreciate it. And if you have any questions, feel free to drop them down below. And if you need to reach out to any of us, Jennifer, Amanda, or myself, well, please don’t hesitate. We, as you can see, we love to chat and be able to connect with you and provide you with the right resources.

Yeah. Don’t hesitate, reach out anytime. And until next week we will, uh, see you back here next Monday at [8:00] AM. And until then enjoy the rest of your week and take care.

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